Well, it seems like Phil and I are destined to live in the 'middle' of the moving cycle; moved, but far from settled. And I'm starting to go a bit nuts...
We are still with the parents (SUCH a blessing), and our 'must haves' are crammed into a guest bedroom and a bathroom we share with my sister. All of our other stuff is in a storage facility somewhere in North Chicago. Those that know me will understand the fact that our 'things' do not have a permanent 'home' makes me want to scream.
I keep telling myself that everything will work out the way they are supposed to; all in due time. But right now I'm just itchy to get this all done with. AHHHH!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
A rant?!
Wow I'm getting better at this! Look at these frequent posts just flying from my fingertips! I don't know if it's because I have PMS, or in light of certain events, or I'm just crabby, but I am mildly irritated. So I will rant and vent and then I will sleep. Lovely.
Aren't relationships funny? When I was younger, I really used to think that everyone tried to love everone else; that loved ones really were loved. Since then I have learned better, but I often still think on it. Even if you don't understand someone, or get them, or agree with them, if we love them, isn't that sometimes enough? I mean, if we go around unaccepting and sitting in judgement of others, who would take the time to accept us and love us unconditionally?
Everytime you open your mouth you carry the weight of knowing you can better someone's life, or burden it. (I had the luxury of learning this at an early age, partly because I've been in therapy since I was 9. Yes, I said luxury, and yes, I said 9). What saddened me growing up, was that many adults could not seem to grasp this little nugget of knowledge. What's even more pitiful to me now is that, some people don't want to know, or seem to not care.
What a power words hold. I think that's why I love books; words can do anything, they can lift you up, inspire you, control you, make you cry, evoke laughter, or destroy you.
Think about it:
"I love you"
"Don't eat that; you'll get fat."
"Thank you"
"Don't tell anyone, this never happened."
"You made my day"
"No one will believe you"
"You're so special to me"
"I despise you"
"I'm so proud of you"
"You're a disappointment"
Just one sentence; a few little words. I really wish people would put more stock into what comes out of their mouths. I wonder if they see how it can change people; how it can alter the course in their lives. How often it can take so much longer to get back to the way you were before those few little words were spoken.
Aren't relationships funny? When I was younger, I really used to think that everyone tried to love everone else; that loved ones really were loved. Since then I have learned better, but I often still think on it. Even if you don't understand someone, or get them, or agree with them, if we love them, isn't that sometimes enough? I mean, if we go around unaccepting and sitting in judgement of others, who would take the time to accept us and love us unconditionally?
Everytime you open your mouth you carry the weight of knowing you can better someone's life, or burden it. (I had the luxury of learning this at an early age, partly because I've been in therapy since I was 9. Yes, I said luxury, and yes, I said 9). What saddened me growing up, was that many adults could not seem to grasp this little nugget of knowledge. What's even more pitiful to me now is that, some people don't want to know, or seem to not care.
What a power words hold. I think that's why I love books; words can do anything, they can lift you up, inspire you, control you, make you cry, evoke laughter, or destroy you.
Think about it:
"I love you"
"Don't eat that; you'll get fat."
"Thank you"
"Don't tell anyone, this never happened."
"You made my day"
"No one will believe you"
"You're so special to me"
"I despise you"
"I'm so proud of you"
"You're a disappointment"
Just one sentence; a few little words. I really wish people would put more stock into what comes out of their mouths. I wonder if they see how it can change people; how it can alter the course in their lives. How often it can take so much longer to get back to the way you were before those few little words were spoken.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
No excuses....
Yes, I haven't written in a LONG time. For the 2 people that actually read this and have complained, my apologies.
So, I am safe and well in Wisconsin. The move went smoothly, and I am as settled as I can be right now. We haven't moved yet; still staying with the parents, but that will come in time.
Now that I'm back here, it makes me sad to think of the time I was robbed of while I was away. My great consolation are the wonderful people that I met in TX; when I am out and about I will swear I see one of them in the grocery store, or on the street, and it saddens me that it will be a long time before I see them again, if at all.
People complain about this city, or the area; there is nothing to do or see, etc. I feel as if I was never meant to leave here, ever. It all comes back to me in a rush; the green of my parent's backyard enveloping me like a blanket, driving by the lake at night and having to stop a moment to marvel at the beauty of the moon reflecting off the water, all the little shops with their little treasures on Main St. I have missed my dad's chuckle, the way my mom's eyes constantly dance, my sister's infectious spirit. I missed seeing my mirror in their faces. I have missed my best friend's constantly pensive look; that life still does not amuse her, and the joke's up.
A military wife once said to me 'Home is wherever your husband is. So Texas right now is your home.' But she spoke falsely, at least in my eyes. That place is where we lived; this place is home.
So, I am safe and well in Wisconsin. The move went smoothly, and I am as settled as I can be right now. We haven't moved yet; still staying with the parents, but that will come in time.
Now that I'm back here, it makes me sad to think of the time I was robbed of while I was away. My great consolation are the wonderful people that I met in TX; when I am out and about I will swear I see one of them in the grocery store, or on the street, and it saddens me that it will be a long time before I see them again, if at all.
People complain about this city, or the area; there is nothing to do or see, etc. I feel as if I was never meant to leave here, ever. It all comes back to me in a rush; the green of my parent's backyard enveloping me like a blanket, driving by the lake at night and having to stop a moment to marvel at the beauty of the moon reflecting off the water, all the little shops with their little treasures on Main St. I have missed my dad's chuckle, the way my mom's eyes constantly dance, my sister's infectious spirit. I missed seeing my mirror in their faces. I have missed my best friend's constantly pensive look; that life still does not amuse her, and the joke's up.
A military wife once said to me 'Home is wherever your husband is. So Texas right now is your home.' But she spoke falsely, at least in my eyes. That place is where we lived; this place is home.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It's been AWHILE....
Holy hills! I can't believe it's been this long since I've blogged. Since all of the two people who read this have actually COMPLAINED that they have nothing new to read, here ya go.
The move is in less than 3 weeks! I am honestly struggling to comprehend that this is actually happening. Phil and I have been anticipating this almost to the day we moved here, and now that it's actually upon us, I think we're a little sad. On our drives through town, we've been pointing out the things we'll miss, and it's a longer list than either of us expected.
So, in honor of TX, our first home as a married couple, here are a few things that I'll miss about this Lonestar state:
* There are REAL cowboys here.
* It is perfectly acceptable (and even considered charming) for women to wear baseball hats on a daily basis.
* The word "y'all." Just sounds so much better than "you guys."
* The comfort knowing that it will never be below 45 degrees for more than 24 hrs. Ever.
* One of my kindred spirits, Missy, dwells here. Enough said.
* The manners here are immpecable.
* About half this state smokes. It's quite comforting.
* And Phil gets a vote too, I suppose: golfing year round. There ya go.
Just some of the things I will miss. I remember the day Phil and I got here and we just kind of looked at each other with an 'oh shit' look in our eyes. What if we run out of money? What happens if I get horribly ill and Phil can't leave work? Who will we call if our car breaks down on the side of the road? We don't have anyone here but each other....we're ALONE.
Some time went by, we didn't run out of money, I did get ill, and our car did break down. We got through it BECAUSE we had each other. But we weren't alone. We had our dear friends who became our family. Friends who gave us rides to work, brought me coffee and tea when I was stuck at home, celebrated holidays together, and became our shopping and golfing companions. That is the one thing about leaving that pains me. I will miss them so much.
Sunday Phil and I were driving home from a wonderful day in Austin and he turns to me and says, "We're really doing all right, aren't we." Yes, Phil. We are doing just fine. Wonderful and oh so blessed, in fact.
The move is in less than 3 weeks! I am honestly struggling to comprehend that this is actually happening. Phil and I have been anticipating this almost to the day we moved here, and now that it's actually upon us, I think we're a little sad. On our drives through town, we've been pointing out the things we'll miss, and it's a longer list than either of us expected.
So, in honor of TX, our first home as a married couple, here are a few things that I'll miss about this Lonestar state:
* There are REAL cowboys here.
* It is perfectly acceptable (and even considered charming) for women to wear baseball hats on a daily basis.
* The word "y'all." Just sounds so much better than "you guys."
* The comfort knowing that it will never be below 45 degrees for more than 24 hrs. Ever.
* One of my kindred spirits, Missy, dwells here. Enough said.
* The manners here are immpecable.
* About half this state smokes. It's quite comforting.
* And Phil gets a vote too, I suppose: golfing year round. There ya go.
Just some of the things I will miss. I remember the day Phil and I got here and we just kind of looked at each other with an 'oh shit' look in our eyes. What if we run out of money? What happens if I get horribly ill and Phil can't leave work? Who will we call if our car breaks down on the side of the road? We don't have anyone here but each other....we're ALONE.
Some time went by, we didn't run out of money, I did get ill, and our car did break down. We got through it BECAUSE we had each other. But we weren't alone. We had our dear friends who became our family. Friends who gave us rides to work, brought me coffee and tea when I was stuck at home, celebrated holidays together, and became our shopping and golfing companions. That is the one thing about leaving that pains me. I will miss them so much.
Sunday Phil and I were driving home from a wonderful day in Austin and he turns to me and says, "We're really doing all right, aren't we." Yes, Phil. We are doing just fine. Wonderful and oh so blessed, in fact.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
A smidgen of self reflection...
Wow, it's been a while since I've written one of these. I've been doing some winter hibernating lately, but spring has been 'sprung' somewhat in Texas already, and the sunshine seems to be pushing itself on me; motivating me to get active and get the mind going once again.
I stumbled across a quote the other day that is actually very meaningful to me, but along with most other quotes I scribble down on post-its and shove anywhere they can fit, it was temporarily lost.
"Every single person is looking to see did you hear me? Do you see me? Do you really see me? Does what I'm saying matter to you?.....and that is the common denominator in the human experience. that is the great lesson I have learned in all these years....every single person matters."~ Oprah Winfrey
I think that quote really rings true. Every person is looking to be understood, accepted, and valued by others. But it got me thinking about people who strive so hard to be heard or seen for who they are, that they end up becoming someone else. Maybe it's the struggle to see, understand, and value OURSELVES that is the common denominator in the human experience. Otherwise, why would so many of us purchase self-help books, or be in therapy, or even blog? Or maybe it's not one or the other, but both?.......
I stumbled across a quote the other day that is actually very meaningful to me, but along with most other quotes I scribble down on post-its and shove anywhere they can fit, it was temporarily lost.
"Every single person is looking to see did you hear me? Do you see me? Do you really see me? Does what I'm saying matter to you?.....and that is the common denominator in the human experience. that is the great lesson I have learned in all these years....every single person matters."~ Oprah Winfrey
I think that quote really rings true. Every person is looking to be understood, accepted, and valued by others. But it got me thinking about people who strive so hard to be heard or seen for who they are, that they end up becoming someone else. Maybe it's the struggle to see, understand, and value OURSELVES that is the common denominator in the human experience. Otherwise, why would so many of us purchase self-help books, or be in therapy, or even blog? Or maybe it's not one or the other, but both?.......
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
What a gloomy day today! If only I didn't have to work, I could stay in my PJ's with my coffee and a book, and life would be perfection. Ah, well. At least the house is clean and laundry is going. Phil and I had a hibernation weekend. Leaving only to get essentials, we kept phone calls to a minimum and he played a lot of video games, I read 3 books, and we watched a lot of movies and slept until eleven. It was lovely.
I was thinking a lot this weekend about my resolution of 'simplicity and peace.' I've been doing pretty well at it actually, listening when my brain is telling me 'this is TOO much!', doing one thing at a time, and trying to soak up each moment as it comes. It seems that along with this new peace, however, I'm finding some people intolerable. People who seem to love to surround themselves in chaos, drama, gossip, and conflict. Everyone seems out to get them, and nothing is good enough for them.
Maybe intolerable is the wrong word. I feel sorry for them, and I pity them. It's so unfortunate that they can't see the beauty in anything. They will never be happy with themselves. And because of this, they lash out and blame others for their unhappiness.
I understand that no one is perfect, and everyone has bad days. But I wonder, could I live my life seeing only darkness, having friends and relationships not based on any true connection, but on a common hatred for others and life? I don't think I could.
So, where do you draw the line? Do you completely cut these 'toxic' people from your life? Or do you just hold them at a distance? When do you have to stop trying to 'see the good in everyone,' and realize some people in this world just don't have good in them?
That is an answer I just don't have. Suggestions welcome.
I was thinking a lot this weekend about my resolution of 'simplicity and peace.' I've been doing pretty well at it actually, listening when my brain is telling me 'this is TOO much!', doing one thing at a time, and trying to soak up each moment as it comes. It seems that along with this new peace, however, I'm finding some people intolerable. People who seem to love to surround themselves in chaos, drama, gossip, and conflict. Everyone seems out to get them, and nothing is good enough for them.
Maybe intolerable is the wrong word. I feel sorry for them, and I pity them. It's so unfortunate that they can't see the beauty in anything. They will never be happy with themselves. And because of this, they lash out and blame others for their unhappiness.
I understand that no one is perfect, and everyone has bad days. But I wonder, could I live my life seeing only darkness, having friends and relationships not based on any true connection, but on a common hatred for others and life? I don't think I could.
So, where do you draw the line? Do you completely cut these 'toxic' people from your life? Or do you just hold them at a distance? When do you have to stop trying to 'see the good in everyone,' and realize some people in this world just don't have good in them?
That is an answer I just don't have. Suggestions welcome.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Oh The Army....
I am not one to speak out against the military. Or the goverment at all really. Even though I may have conflicted emotions at times, at the end of the day, they pay our bills and keep a roof over our heads. But yesterday was a bad day for the Army and me.
I had to go on post to deposit a check and peek around for some birthday/Valentine's presents for Phil. That means I have to drive across post, which normally takes about a half an hour. Not yesterday. I have to drive down a stretch of road that happens to be a 'troop crossing' area. Normally, it's deserted. Yesterday it was NUTS! And these people don't watch! They're darting back and forth running, walking, not looking. Consequently, I drove 20 miles an hour, clutching the steering wheel and a cigarette, hoping I didn't take any of these soldiers out. It took me an hour to get there. Of course, they did not have what I want.
So I go to the dry cleaners, to pick up a kevlar cover. There is a soldier in front of me with his Class A's, with every pin, ribbon, medal, doo dad, and flair needed to get sewn onto his jacket. He did not let me go ahead of him. I was in there for a half an hour. Joy.
Then my poor husband had to work from 5am to 10pm. He was not a happy camper. He fell asleep on the couchwith his boots still on. He hasn't been sleeping much at all, very stressed about our current situation (which some of you know about).
And lastly, I got a letter in the mail from our insurance, trying to charge us AGAIN for a service that is supposed to be free for us.
Usually the Army and I are ok. After yesterday though, it has some making up to do.....
I had to go on post to deposit a check and peek around for some birthday/Valentine's presents for Phil. That means I have to drive across post, which normally takes about a half an hour. Not yesterday. I have to drive down a stretch of road that happens to be a 'troop crossing' area. Normally, it's deserted. Yesterday it was NUTS! And these people don't watch! They're darting back and forth running, walking, not looking. Consequently, I drove 20 miles an hour, clutching the steering wheel and a cigarette, hoping I didn't take any of these soldiers out. It took me an hour to get there. Of course, they did not have what I want.
So I go to the dry cleaners, to pick up a kevlar cover. There is a soldier in front of me with his Class A's, with every pin, ribbon, medal, doo dad, and flair needed to get sewn onto his jacket. He did not let me go ahead of him. I was in there for a half an hour. Joy.
Then my poor husband had to work from 5am to 10pm. He was not a happy camper. He fell asleep on the couchwith his boots still on. He hasn't been sleeping much at all, very stressed about our current situation (which some of you know about).
And lastly, I got a letter in the mail from our insurance, trying to charge us AGAIN for a service that is supposed to be free for us.
Usually the Army and I are ok. After yesterday though, it has some making up to do.....
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I'm such a lucky lady!!
I was thinking a lot about our upcoming move today. A year ago, I would be high-tailing it out of here without one look back. And don't get me wrong, I'll be excited to get out of here. Not for the same reasons I once thought, though. I've aquired a little family of my own down here; and it will be a sad day when I have to say good bye to them. It's so comforting in a world that spins so fast you feel like your head may fall off, to know you have people that are constants, who will always be there, who see you standing on their doorstep with more personal baggage than one would like to admit, and invite you in, baggage and all.
I am so lucky to have a few of these people in my life. Who can know what I mean by just one word, or a look, or my silence. Who will take my side even before I get my story out. People that know how I take my coffee, and know my favorite authors. People who know all my secrets, and will never tell. People who also carry ziploc bags full of product in their purse. People who know that I have a love obsession with Anne Taintor, Coach, Starbucks, Tiffany's, Sephora, Friends DVD's, black and white pictures, and romance novels. People who know my imperfections, and try to convince me they're perfection. People who have seen me without make up and have not run away screaming. People who know how many candles I have in my house and don't judge me.
I love these people. They are my true treasure in life.
I am so lucky to have a few of these people in my life. Who can know what I mean by just one word, or a look, or my silence. Who will take my side even before I get my story out. People that know how I take my coffee, and know my favorite authors. People who know all my secrets, and will never tell. People who also carry ziploc bags full of product in their purse. People who know that I have a love obsession with Anne Taintor, Coach, Starbucks, Tiffany's, Sephora, Friends DVD's, black and white pictures, and romance novels. People who know my imperfections, and try to convince me they're perfection. People who have seen me without make up and have not run away screaming. People who know how many candles I have in my house and don't judge me.
I love these people. They are my true treasure in life.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Yoga anyone??
Some of my health-nut husband's ways have started to rub off on me. The only thing that isn't whole wheat, fat free, or natural in this house is my secret stash of Sour Patch Kids, Mike & Ike's, and chocolate peaunut butter popcorn that's in the shelf above our fridge. I'm even drinking natural pomegranate juice. (Not bad by the way). So today I've decided to try yoga, thanks to Exercise On Demand. It was....interesting. I'm actually not bad at it; thanks grandpa, for giving me the double jointed gene. I now have a headache though. (Maybe I shouldn't have had those two mugs of coffee before hand??) Also, does smoking a cigarette afterward cancel out the exercise?? Hmmm...
P.S. I looked at eco-friendly bags in an effort to be more 'green.' A pack of five costs $45!! I was SO CLOSE to convincing Phil we should purchase these to go grocery shopping with. Those that know Phil will understand how long it took to get him to agree. I fear he will put the kabosh on it after learning the cost. It's pricey to save the environment. At least I have convinced him to start throwing recyclables into our bin instead of the garbage. Which, by the way, we have to bring on post because Texas does not pick up recyclables. Why you ask?? Heaven only knows...
P.S. I looked at eco-friendly bags in an effort to be more 'green.' A pack of five costs $45!! I was SO CLOSE to convincing Phil we should purchase these to go grocery shopping with. Those that know Phil will understand how long it took to get him to agree. I fear he will put the kabosh on it after learning the cost. It's pricey to save the environment. At least I have convinced him to start throwing recyclables into our bin instead of the garbage. Which, by the way, we have to bring on post because Texas does not pick up recyclables. Why you ask?? Heaven only knows...
New Year, New Me
I'm starting this blog as part of a New Year's Resolution to myself. I'm still a bit skeptical of this whole blog thing, so we'll see how it goes. I used to journal quite a bit, and I no longer seem able to stick with that. So there you have it.
This past year it seems I lost a bit of myself. I used to feel very connected to myself; very sure of who I was and what I wanted out of life. So my goal for this year is to find me. I'd very much like to know 'her' again. What are my interests? What are my beliefs? My morals? My goals? All questions I would like answered by the end of this year.
When and where did I lose me? Another good question I ponder almost daily. When my darn anxiety first kicked in? When I got married? When I moved away? When my husband deployed? When he came back? As you can see, I have more questions than answers.
So where will I get these answers? That's the BIG question.... we will see. Other resolutions this year are: simplicity (that's a biggie), learn to crochet, cut back on the smoking, learn to cook, cutting the toxic people out of my life, and connecting on a daily level with Phil.
This past year it seems I lost a bit of myself. I used to feel very connected to myself; very sure of who I was and what I wanted out of life. So my goal for this year is to find me. I'd very much like to know 'her' again. What are my interests? What are my beliefs? My morals? My goals? All questions I would like answered by the end of this year.
When and where did I lose me? Another good question I ponder almost daily. When my darn anxiety first kicked in? When I got married? When I moved away? When my husband deployed? When he came back? As you can see, I have more questions than answers.
So where will I get these answers? That's the BIG question.... we will see. Other resolutions this year are: simplicity (that's a biggie), learn to crochet, cut back on the smoking, learn to cook, cutting the toxic people out of my life, and connecting on a daily level with Phil.
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