What a gloomy day today! If only I didn't have to work, I could stay in my PJ's with my coffee and a book, and life would be perfection. Ah, well. At least the house is clean and laundry is going. Phil and I had a hibernation weekend. Leaving only to get essentials, we kept phone calls to a minimum and he played a lot of video games, I read 3 books, and we watched a lot of movies and slept until eleven. It was lovely.
I was thinking a lot this weekend about my resolution of 'simplicity and peace.' I've been doing pretty well at it actually, listening when my brain is telling me 'this is TOO much!', doing one thing at a time, and trying to soak up each moment as it comes. It seems that along with this new peace, however, I'm finding some people intolerable. People who seem to love to surround themselves in chaos, drama, gossip, and conflict. Everyone seems out to get them, and nothing is good enough for them.
Maybe intolerable is the wrong word. I feel sorry for them, and I pity them. It's so unfortunate that they can't see the beauty in anything. They will never be happy with themselves. And because of this, they lash out and blame others for their unhappiness.
I understand that no one is perfect, and everyone has bad days. But I wonder, could I live my life seeing only darkness, having friends and relationships not based on any true connection, but on a common hatred for others and life? I don't think I could.
So, where do you draw the line? Do you completely cut these 'toxic' people from your life? Or do you just hold them at a distance? When do you have to stop trying to 'see the good in everyone,' and realize some people in this world just don't have good in them?
That is an answer I just don't have. Suggestions welcome.

Oh The Army....

I am not one to speak out against the military. Or the goverment at all really. Even though I may have conflicted emotions at times, at the end of the day, they pay our bills and keep a roof over our heads. But yesterday was a bad day for the Army and me.
I had to go on post to deposit a check and peek around for some birthday/Valentine's presents for Phil. That means I have to drive across post, which normally takes about a half an hour. Not yesterday. I have to drive down a stretch of road that happens to be a 'troop crossing' area. Normally, it's deserted. Yesterday it was NUTS! And these people don't watch! They're darting back and forth running, walking, not looking. Consequently, I drove 20 miles an hour, clutching the steering wheel and a cigarette, hoping I didn't take any of these soldiers out. It took me an hour to get there. Of course, they did not have what I want.
So I go to the dry cleaners, to pick up a kevlar cover. There is a soldier in front of me with his Class A's, with every pin, ribbon, medal, doo dad, and flair needed to get sewn onto his jacket. He did not let me go ahead of him. I was in there for a half an hour. Joy.
Then my poor husband had to work from 5am to 10pm. He was not a happy camper. He fell asleep on the couchwith his boots still on. He hasn't been sleeping much at all, very stressed about our current situation (which some of you know about).
And lastly, I got a letter in the mail from our insurance, trying to charge us AGAIN for a service that is supposed to be free for us.
Usually the Army and I are ok. After yesterday though, it has some making up to do.....

I'm such a lucky lady!!

I was thinking a lot about our upcoming move today. A year ago, I would be high-tailing it out of here without one look back. And don't get me wrong, I'll be excited to get out of here. Not for the same reasons I once thought, though. I've aquired a little family of my own down here; and it will be a sad day when I have to say good bye to them. It's so comforting in a world that spins so fast you feel like your head may fall off, to know you have people that are constants, who will always be there, who see you standing on their doorstep with more personal baggage than one would like to admit, and invite you in, baggage and all.
I am so lucky to have a few of these people in my life. Who can know what I mean by just one word, or a look, or my silence. Who will take my side even before I get my story out. People that know how I take my coffee, and know my favorite authors. People who know all my secrets, and will never tell. People who also carry ziploc bags full of product in their purse. People who know that I have a love obsession with Anne Taintor, Coach, Starbucks, Tiffany's, Sephora, Friends DVD's, black and white pictures, and romance novels. People who know my imperfections, and try to convince me they're perfection. People who have seen me without make up and have not run away screaming. People who know how many candles I have in my house and don't judge me.
I love these people. They are my true treasure in life.

Yoga anyone??

Some of my health-nut husband's ways have started to rub off on me. The only thing that isn't whole wheat, fat free, or natural in this house is my secret stash of Sour Patch Kids, Mike & Ike's, and chocolate peaunut butter popcorn that's in the shelf above our fridge. I'm even drinking natural pomegranate juice. (Not bad by the way). So today I've decided to try yoga, thanks to Exercise On Demand. It was....interesting. I'm actually not bad at it; thanks grandpa, for giving me the double jointed gene. I now have a headache though. (Maybe I shouldn't have had those two mugs of coffee before hand??) Also, does smoking a cigarette afterward cancel out the exercise?? Hmmm...

P.S. I looked at eco-friendly bags in an effort to be more 'green.' A pack of five costs $45!! I was SO CLOSE to convincing Phil we should purchase these to go grocery shopping with. Those that know Phil will understand how long it took to get him to agree. I fear he will put the kabosh on it after learning the cost. It's pricey to save the environment. At least I have convinced him to start throwing recyclables into our bin instead of the garbage. Which, by the way, we have to bring on post because Texas does not pick up recyclables. Why you ask?? Heaven only knows...

New Year, New Me

I'm starting this blog as part of a New Year's Resolution to myself. I'm still a bit skeptical of this whole blog thing, so we'll see how it goes. I used to journal quite a bit, and I no longer seem able to stick with that. So there you have it.
This past year it seems I lost a bit of myself. I used to feel very connected to myself; very sure of who I was and what I wanted out of life. So my goal for this year is to find me. I'd very much like to know 'her' again. What are my interests? What are my beliefs? My morals? My goals? All questions I would like answered by the end of this year.
When and where did I lose me? Another good question I ponder almost daily. When my darn anxiety first kicked in? When I got married? When I moved away? When my husband deployed? When he came back? As you can see, I have more questions than answers.
So where will I get these answers? That's the BIG question.... we will see. Other resolutions this year are: simplicity (that's a biggie), learn to crochet, cut back on the smoking, learn to cook, cutting the toxic people out of my life, and connecting on a daily level with Phil.