When life just starts to wear on you, do you have any objects, rituals, or places you go that help you get back to your true self? I know I do. I seem to go through this every year without fail; around January I get the blues. Maybe it's my anxiety, maybe it's the post holiday let down, maybe January just isn't my month. Whatever it is, I'm mentally exhausted.
So currently I'm hiding out at home, only going out for coffee or....coffee really. I turn to old friends and family; people that really KNOW me. I light tons of candles and clean (those that know me, cleaning to me is thearaputic). I eat an abundant amount of Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream. And I read Harry Potter books. And also watch the movies. Repeatedly. Weird, no? But it's oddly comforting.
Hopefully February will bring with it a renewed spirit within me; ready to take on life and all that it brings once again. Until then, thank you J. K. Rowling.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
My grandmother
My grandma was an awesome lady. A few years back, she was diagnosed with dementia, and anyone who has seen someone go through that, can tell you how hard and confusing it is for everyone involved. She passed away late last year, and I spoke at her funeral. Here is what was said:
Many people say that my grandmother lost her memory. But who is to say where memories go? I believe that for every person you meet along your journey through life, you leave some of yourself with them. So even if those people are right, and she did lose her memory, they are still carried with friends, sisters, sons, grandchildren, and everyone else she touched along her journey. Therefore, her memory can never really be lost.
I was incredibly blessed to have so many memories of my grandma. It seems like she was present for almost every event in my life, big or small. From teaparties to my wedding day, she was always there. My grandma had a loud laugh and a huge heart. She always had cookies in the fridge, and a story of the boy my father used to be. She sat through many of my violin recitals, and though I'm sure she had a migraine after some of them, she always said I played perfectly. She gave me memories of perfect Christmases, and afternoons talking with her on her patio. She gave me the wisdom of the value of family, and that if you have love in your life, you don't really need much else. Mostly though, I will remember she was one of my greatest supporters in everything I did, and that whenever I saw her, I felt cherished.
I am so grateful for everything my grandma gave me. I will be reminded of her everytime I hear a laugh filled with humor and happiness, whenever I see my dad's smile, or when I see a grandmother look upon her grandaughter with pride and love. I will forever carry her with me, and never lose her. Just as though I know she never lost me.
She is so missed by so many. I know that both of my grandparents are somewhere up in the heavens of the universe; still being my biggest supporters, celebrating in all my triumphs, pushing me through all life's sorrows. Lava always.
Many people say that my grandmother lost her memory. But who is to say where memories go? I believe that for every person you meet along your journey through life, you leave some of yourself with them. So even if those people are right, and she did lose her memory, they are still carried with friends, sisters, sons, grandchildren, and everyone else she touched along her journey. Therefore, her memory can never really be lost.
I was incredibly blessed to have so many memories of my grandma. It seems like she was present for almost every event in my life, big or small. From teaparties to my wedding day, she was always there. My grandma had a loud laugh and a huge heart. She always had cookies in the fridge, and a story of the boy my father used to be. She sat through many of my violin recitals, and though I'm sure she had a migraine after some of them, she always said I played perfectly. She gave me memories of perfect Christmases, and afternoons talking with her on her patio. She gave me the wisdom of the value of family, and that if you have love in your life, you don't really need much else. Mostly though, I will remember she was one of my greatest supporters in everything I did, and that whenever I saw her, I felt cherished.
I am so grateful for everything my grandma gave me. I will be reminded of her everytime I hear a laugh filled with humor and happiness, whenever I see my dad's smile, or when I see a grandmother look upon her grandaughter with pride and love. I will forever carry her with me, and never lose her. Just as though I know she never lost me.
She is so missed by so many. I know that both of my grandparents are somewhere up in the heavens of the universe; still being my biggest supporters, celebrating in all my triumphs, pushing me through all life's sorrows. Lava always.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
What did the New Year ring in?? A computer for me!
FINALLY! After months and months of nagging Phil (why can't we just get a new computer?..why would you want to deprive me of knowledge?...you know what would be easier than ordering this by phone? ordering this on a computer...you know i could just look this up on our computer...but wait....etc.) we finally have a COMPUTER! Only those who have months and months without one can know my true joy. I am at peace.
What have we been up to, you ask? Well currently we are hibernating, because Texas truly did seem to thin our blood. I have just survived yet another holiday in retail; just starting to get back to my normal self, and not a soley running on caffeine-brain strained in a hundred places self. Phil has been up to his usual; working and playing video games. I have been relearning how to drive in the snow; which is only half true since Phil is not super supportive. Not fearfull for me I suspect, but for our car.
The biggest perk since our move by far has been seeing my family on a regular basis. It was wonderful spending the holiday with them in person, instead of by webcam. It's so nice to feel settled somewhere, instead of wondering where and when our next move will be.
Well, hopefully more soon; hopefully this post summed up my happiness about having a COMPUTER again, once more feeling the joy of the internet world.
What have we been up to, you ask? Well currently we are hibernating, because Texas truly did seem to thin our blood. I have just survived yet another holiday in retail; just starting to get back to my normal self, and not a soley running on caffeine-brain strained in a hundred places self. Phil has been up to his usual; working and playing video games. I have been relearning how to drive in the snow; which is only half true since Phil is not super supportive. Not fearfull for me I suspect, but for our car.
The biggest perk since our move by far has been seeing my family on a regular basis. It was wonderful spending the holiday with them in person, instead of by webcam. It's so nice to feel settled somewhere, instead of wondering where and when our next move will be.
Well, hopefully more soon; hopefully this post summed up my happiness about having a COMPUTER again, once more feeling the joy of the internet world.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Stuck in the middle...
Well, it seems like Phil and I are destined to live in the 'middle' of the moving cycle; moved, but far from settled. And I'm starting to go a bit nuts...
We are still with the parents (SUCH a blessing), and our 'must haves' are crammed into a guest bedroom and a bathroom we share with my sister. All of our other stuff is in a storage facility somewhere in North Chicago. Those that know me will understand the fact that our 'things' do not have a permanent 'home' makes me want to scream.
I keep telling myself that everything will work out the way they are supposed to; all in due time. But right now I'm just itchy to get this all done with. AHHHH!
We are still with the parents (SUCH a blessing), and our 'must haves' are crammed into a guest bedroom and a bathroom we share with my sister. All of our other stuff is in a storage facility somewhere in North Chicago. Those that know me will understand the fact that our 'things' do not have a permanent 'home' makes me want to scream.
I keep telling myself that everything will work out the way they are supposed to; all in due time. But right now I'm just itchy to get this all done with. AHHHH!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
A rant?!
Wow I'm getting better at this! Look at these frequent posts just flying from my fingertips! I don't know if it's because I have PMS, or in light of certain events, or I'm just crabby, but I am mildly irritated. So I will rant and vent and then I will sleep. Lovely.
Aren't relationships funny? When I was younger, I really used to think that everyone tried to love everone else; that loved ones really were loved. Since then I have learned better, but I often still think on it. Even if you don't understand someone, or get them, or agree with them, if we love them, isn't that sometimes enough? I mean, if we go around unaccepting and sitting in judgement of others, who would take the time to accept us and love us unconditionally?
Everytime you open your mouth you carry the weight of knowing you can better someone's life, or burden it. (I had the luxury of learning this at an early age, partly because I've been in therapy since I was 9. Yes, I said luxury, and yes, I said 9). What saddened me growing up, was that many adults could not seem to grasp this little nugget of knowledge. What's even more pitiful to me now is that, some people don't want to know, or seem to not care.
What a power words hold. I think that's why I love books; words can do anything, they can lift you up, inspire you, control you, make you cry, evoke laughter, or destroy you.
Think about it:
"I love you"
"Don't eat that; you'll get fat."
"Thank you"
"Don't tell anyone, this never happened."
"You made my day"
"No one will believe you"
"You're so special to me"
"I despise you"
"I'm so proud of you"
"You're a disappointment"
Just one sentence; a few little words. I really wish people would put more stock into what comes out of their mouths. I wonder if they see how it can change people; how it can alter the course in their lives. How often it can take so much longer to get back to the way you were before those few little words were spoken.
Aren't relationships funny? When I was younger, I really used to think that everyone tried to love everone else; that loved ones really were loved. Since then I have learned better, but I often still think on it. Even if you don't understand someone, or get them, or agree with them, if we love them, isn't that sometimes enough? I mean, if we go around unaccepting and sitting in judgement of others, who would take the time to accept us and love us unconditionally?
Everytime you open your mouth you carry the weight of knowing you can better someone's life, or burden it. (I had the luxury of learning this at an early age, partly because I've been in therapy since I was 9. Yes, I said luxury, and yes, I said 9). What saddened me growing up, was that many adults could not seem to grasp this little nugget of knowledge. What's even more pitiful to me now is that, some people don't want to know, or seem to not care.
What a power words hold. I think that's why I love books; words can do anything, they can lift you up, inspire you, control you, make you cry, evoke laughter, or destroy you.
Think about it:
"I love you"
"Don't eat that; you'll get fat."
"Thank you"
"Don't tell anyone, this never happened."
"You made my day"
"No one will believe you"
"You're so special to me"
"I despise you"
"I'm so proud of you"
"You're a disappointment"
Just one sentence; a few little words. I really wish people would put more stock into what comes out of their mouths. I wonder if they see how it can change people; how it can alter the course in their lives. How often it can take so much longer to get back to the way you were before those few little words were spoken.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
No excuses....
Yes, I haven't written in a LONG time. For the 2 people that actually read this and have complained, my apologies.
So, I am safe and well in Wisconsin. The move went smoothly, and I am as settled as I can be right now. We haven't moved yet; still staying with the parents, but that will come in time.
Now that I'm back here, it makes me sad to think of the time I was robbed of while I was away. My great consolation are the wonderful people that I met in TX; when I am out and about I will swear I see one of them in the grocery store, or on the street, and it saddens me that it will be a long time before I see them again, if at all.
People complain about this city, or the area; there is nothing to do or see, etc. I feel as if I was never meant to leave here, ever. It all comes back to me in a rush; the green of my parent's backyard enveloping me like a blanket, driving by the lake at night and having to stop a moment to marvel at the beauty of the moon reflecting off the water, all the little shops with their little treasures on Main St. I have missed my dad's chuckle, the way my mom's eyes constantly dance, my sister's infectious spirit. I missed seeing my mirror in their faces. I have missed my best friend's constantly pensive look; that life still does not amuse her, and the joke's up.
A military wife once said to me 'Home is wherever your husband is. So Texas right now is your home.' But she spoke falsely, at least in my eyes. That place is where we lived; this place is home.
So, I am safe and well in Wisconsin. The move went smoothly, and I am as settled as I can be right now. We haven't moved yet; still staying with the parents, but that will come in time.
Now that I'm back here, it makes me sad to think of the time I was robbed of while I was away. My great consolation are the wonderful people that I met in TX; when I am out and about I will swear I see one of them in the grocery store, or on the street, and it saddens me that it will be a long time before I see them again, if at all.
People complain about this city, or the area; there is nothing to do or see, etc. I feel as if I was never meant to leave here, ever. It all comes back to me in a rush; the green of my parent's backyard enveloping me like a blanket, driving by the lake at night and having to stop a moment to marvel at the beauty of the moon reflecting off the water, all the little shops with their little treasures on Main St. I have missed my dad's chuckle, the way my mom's eyes constantly dance, my sister's infectious spirit. I missed seeing my mirror in their faces. I have missed my best friend's constantly pensive look; that life still does not amuse her, and the joke's up.
A military wife once said to me 'Home is wherever your husband is. So Texas right now is your home.' But she spoke falsely, at least in my eyes. That place is where we lived; this place is home.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It's been AWHILE....
Holy hills! I can't believe it's been this long since I've blogged. Since all of the two people who read this have actually COMPLAINED that they have nothing new to read, here ya go.
The move is in less than 3 weeks! I am honestly struggling to comprehend that this is actually happening. Phil and I have been anticipating this almost to the day we moved here, and now that it's actually upon us, I think we're a little sad. On our drives through town, we've been pointing out the things we'll miss, and it's a longer list than either of us expected.
So, in honor of TX, our first home as a married couple, here are a few things that I'll miss about this Lonestar state:
* There are REAL cowboys here.
* It is perfectly acceptable (and even considered charming) for women to wear baseball hats on a daily basis.
* The word "y'all." Just sounds so much better than "you guys."
* The comfort knowing that it will never be below 45 degrees for more than 24 hrs. Ever.
* One of my kindred spirits, Missy, dwells here. Enough said.
* The manners here are immpecable.
* About half this state smokes. It's quite comforting.
* And Phil gets a vote too, I suppose: golfing year round. There ya go.
Just some of the things I will miss. I remember the day Phil and I got here and we just kind of looked at each other with an 'oh shit' look in our eyes. What if we run out of money? What happens if I get horribly ill and Phil can't leave work? Who will we call if our car breaks down on the side of the road? We don't have anyone here but each other....we're ALONE.
Some time went by, we didn't run out of money, I did get ill, and our car did break down. We got through it BECAUSE we had each other. But we weren't alone. We had our dear friends who became our family. Friends who gave us rides to work, brought me coffee and tea when I was stuck at home, celebrated holidays together, and became our shopping and golfing companions. That is the one thing about leaving that pains me. I will miss them so much.
Sunday Phil and I were driving home from a wonderful day in Austin and he turns to me and says, "We're really doing all right, aren't we." Yes, Phil. We are doing just fine. Wonderful and oh so blessed, in fact.
The move is in less than 3 weeks! I am honestly struggling to comprehend that this is actually happening. Phil and I have been anticipating this almost to the day we moved here, and now that it's actually upon us, I think we're a little sad. On our drives through town, we've been pointing out the things we'll miss, and it's a longer list than either of us expected.
So, in honor of TX, our first home as a married couple, here are a few things that I'll miss about this Lonestar state:
* There are REAL cowboys here.
* It is perfectly acceptable (and even considered charming) for women to wear baseball hats on a daily basis.
* The word "y'all." Just sounds so much better than "you guys."
* The comfort knowing that it will never be below 45 degrees for more than 24 hrs. Ever.
* One of my kindred spirits, Missy, dwells here. Enough said.
* The manners here are immpecable.
* About half this state smokes. It's quite comforting.
* And Phil gets a vote too, I suppose: golfing year round. There ya go.
Just some of the things I will miss. I remember the day Phil and I got here and we just kind of looked at each other with an 'oh shit' look in our eyes. What if we run out of money? What happens if I get horribly ill and Phil can't leave work? Who will we call if our car breaks down on the side of the road? We don't have anyone here but each other....we're ALONE.
Some time went by, we didn't run out of money, I did get ill, and our car did break down. We got through it BECAUSE we had each other. But we weren't alone. We had our dear friends who became our family. Friends who gave us rides to work, brought me coffee and tea when I was stuck at home, celebrated holidays together, and became our shopping and golfing companions. That is the one thing about leaving that pains me. I will miss them so much.
Sunday Phil and I were driving home from a wonderful day in Austin and he turns to me and says, "We're really doing all right, aren't we." Yes, Phil. We are doing just fine. Wonderful and oh so blessed, in fact.
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