A late letter of love

Sometimes I just don't realize how long I've been away from the computer! February seems to be flying; the shortest month in a hurry to be over. I did miss writing a Valentine's blog, but I do want to leave a few thoughts on that wonderful subject of 'love.'
Phil and I had a nice Valentine's Day together (he actually MADE me dinner!; something I've only done for him.....once....I'm a poor wife.) so that was very thoughtful and actually impressive on his part.
I've always had odd thoughts about love. I do believe someone may have soulmates; but not soley one. I truly believe that one person could 'make it work' with a number of people. I think it's the choice that makes it so special. The fact that Phil and I chose eachother out of many, is much more romantic to me than the idea of there being only one person on this earth for me. And I definetly think it's a choice that has to be made repeatedly over the course of time. A perfect example of this is, to me, my mother and father. To make that choice everyday, to stay, to support, to love, to endure, to struggle, to celebrate. To be. Together. That is, to me, the stuff of great novels.

I stumbled on this quote the other day:
" The bottom line is you have to choose who you are going to commit to- that's the foundation of true love." -Stephanie Meyer

Nicely put.
Happy belated Valentine's Day everyone!!

I see the moon...and the moon sees me....

I've taken special notice of the moon every now and then for most of my life. When you were in the car late at night, did you ever notice the moon following you? Have you ever looked out your bedroom window and noticed it's white-golden glow? It's hard not to look at it and see just an object; I see something with power, light, hope, a timeless beacon that lights the way; leads people home. It's mythical, magical, heavenly. No matter your religious choices, isn't it hard not to look at it and believe in something?

"Why are prayers focused heavenward? The heart's wishes find a way out, and as with all warmth, love rises. The will to fly is in the nature of the soul, so its home has to be up above. And gifts do come from the sky, like spring rain and summer breezes and fall sun and winter snow."
-J.R. Ward

Really, who cares what everyone believes in? Be it the Moon, God, Buddah, the Earth, people. At least we're all believing in SOMETHING. And my guess? We're all right.

I'm still chilly!!

Hey retailers!! I am still chilly!! Putting bathing suits out is fine; but would you please keep some sweaters out??!!
And maybe some winter boots?!
It's January for goodness sakes! Single didgets people!!

Optimism??

This word seems to be everywhere I turn lately; on the news, at my bookstore, even at my place of employment! What are they trying to tell me?? I think, as a whole, I'm a relatively positive person. And no one should be TOO optimistic in my opinion; you know the type: so 'overjoyed' with life that they actually startle you and you want to poke them to make sure they're actually real? So, should we all take note and swallow a good healthy dose of optimism?

I hope there's a happy medium. I was at coffee with a dear friend of mine the other day; she happened to have a book on the table, the subject being, what else, optimism. I believe the title had something to do with your glass being half full. As we were flipping through it, she brought up a very good point...."Can you really be optimistic all the time? Some things just suck!" Her very wise words have stuck with me all week. Some things definetly do just suck. Where would we learn empathy or compassion? How would we learn proper grieving skills? If not for a little realism every now and then we would all be living in Stepford!

So please, media, authors, even employers, calm down! While it's great to be positive, please don't take away our little grievenses. That's where humor comes from! And I need my laughter!

Shhh....I'm in hiding...

When life just starts to wear on you, do you have any objects, rituals, or places you go that help you get back to your true self? I know I do. I seem to go through this every year without fail; around January I get the blues. Maybe it's my anxiety, maybe it's the post holiday let down, maybe January just isn't my month. Whatever it is, I'm mentally exhausted.
So currently I'm hiding out at home, only going out for coffee or....coffee really. I turn to old friends and family; people that really KNOW me. I light tons of candles and clean (those that know me, cleaning to me is thearaputic). I eat an abundant amount of Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream. And I read Harry Potter books. And also watch the movies. Repeatedly. Weird, no? But it's oddly comforting.
Hopefully February will bring with it a renewed spirit within me; ready to take on life and all that it brings once again. Until then, thank you J. K. Rowling.

My grandmother

My grandma was an awesome lady. A few years back, she was diagnosed with dementia, and anyone who has seen someone go through that, can tell you how hard and confusing it is for everyone involved. She passed away late last year, and I spoke at her funeral. Here is what was said:

Many people say that my grandmother lost her memory. But who is to say where memories go? I believe that for every person you meet along your journey through life, you leave some of yourself with them. So even if those people are right, and she did lose her memory, they are still carried with friends, sisters, sons, grandchildren, and everyone else she touched along her journey. Therefore, her memory can never really be lost.

I was incredibly blessed to have so many memories of my grandma. It seems like she was present for almost every event in my life, big or small. From teaparties to my wedding day, she was always there. My grandma had a loud laugh and a huge heart. She always had cookies in the fridge, and a story of the boy my father used to be. She sat through many of my violin recitals, and though I'm sure she had a migraine after some of them, she always said I played perfectly. She gave me memories of perfect Christmases, and afternoons talking with her on her patio. She gave me the wisdom of the value of family, and that if you have love in your life, you don't really need much else. Mostly though, I will remember she was one of my greatest supporters in everything I did, and that whenever I saw her, I felt cherished.

I am so grateful for everything my grandma gave me. I will be reminded of her everytime I hear a laugh filled with humor and happiness, whenever I see my dad's smile, or when I see a grandmother look upon her grandaughter with pride and love. I will forever carry her with me, and never lose her. Just as though I know she never lost me.


She is so missed by so many. I know that both of my grandparents are somewhere up in the heavens of the universe; still being my biggest supporters, celebrating in all my triumphs, pushing me through all life's sorrows. Lava always.

What did the New Year ring in?? A computer for me!

FINALLY! After months and months of nagging Phil (why can't we just get a new computer?..why would you want to deprive me of knowledge?...you know what would be easier than ordering this by phone? ordering this on a computer...you know i could just look this up on our computer...but wait....etc.) we finally have a COMPUTER! Only those who have months and months without one can know my true joy. I am at peace.

What have we been up to, you ask? Well currently we are hibernating, because Texas truly did seem to thin our blood. I have just survived yet another holiday in retail; just starting to get back to my normal self, and not a soley running on caffeine-brain strained in a hundred places self. Phil has been up to his usual; working and playing video games. I have been relearning how to drive in the snow; which is only half true since Phil is not super supportive. Not fearfull for me I suspect, but for our car.

The biggest perk since our move by far has been seeing my family on a regular basis. It was wonderful spending the holiday with them in person, instead of by webcam. It's so nice to feel settled somewhere, instead of wondering where and when our next move will be.

Well, hopefully more soon; hopefully this post summed up my happiness about having a COMPUTER again, once more feeling the joy of the internet world.