Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!!

"The only constant in life is change."
I both appreciate and despise that quote. Appreciate it because it's true; despise it because, in general, I hate change. For a person like me, who believes that they are destined to be grounded in a certain place, with certain people, with a certain life, change basically sucks.
In the past 4 years, I have pretty much chosen to drive myself nutso. Married at the ripe old age of 20!, moved 5 times in 4 years, husband deployed and back again, I figured life could, should, and would be steady for me for at least a year or two. And I think we all know what comes next....
MORE CHANGE!
My dear husband wants to return to school, which means a HEAP of stuff to come. Some good, some nerve wracking. Part of me wants to retreat to my place of comfort, hiding from the world that seems to love making a mess of my order. But, as my mom says, what would that solve? You'll miss out on playing in the beautiful mess of life.
I'm beginning to realize that for my life to be steady later, this change probably should be happening now. I'm still nervous, but hopeful. Still cautious, but excited.
And so I square my shoulders. Roll up my sleeves. Deep breaths.
And jump into the beautiful mess.

Good Morning!

Quick post on this cloudy, gloomy morning. Makes me want to snuggle up with my new book, but alas! I must go sell lotions and soaps.
Track #16 on my Pride and Prejudice CD woke me up this morning while my coffee brewed. Perfect way to start the day.
When I get home from selling lotions and soaps, Phil will be here to greet me today. While I cherish my alone time, and the apartment in perfect, tidy order, he manages to mess things up just enough for me to miss him when he's gone. The weekends he spends away reminds me how lucky I am to have him here.
Big things happening this week; Molly had another successful semester in Minnesota, and now she will come back to us, we have one of Phil's army friends staying with us this weekend, my cousin's first communion, and Mother's Day.
And so life goes on.
Happy Mother's Day mom! And to Jan! And Kate! And to any other mother that reads my silly little blog! I am so lucky to have you all in my life.
LAVA!!

Another year older...

And none the wiser. Well, maybe that's not true. Had a FABULOUS birthday, filled with family, friends, coffee, and creampuffs. Doesn't get much better than that!
My birthday is usually when I make my resolutions for the coming year, not New Year's. Have no idea why. Where I want to be, what I could change. I realized I'm pretty damn happy with the way things are right now, at this moment.
I've dealt a lot with loss this week. Some actual, some metaphorical. Watched an INREDIBLY sad documentary, Dear Zachary, which I think will be life changing, for me. One of my dear friends lost her sister. Heart breaking. One of my co workers lost her brother-in-law. And all of these people were YOUNG. Totally freaked me out, could literally FEEL my anxiety spike. What does one do, when they lose someone close? Grief, shock, utter despair, a completely numb feeling; nothingness. And what do you do when it's sudden, no time to prepare for it?? How do you get those last "I love yous" in? What a tough thing to realize that sometimes you can't.
I guess where all this is going (if anywhere), is that my goals for the next year are small and yet gigantic at the same time. I want to realize every single day that I'm so blessed that I can see my dad's hair get all salt and peppery, that I can almost pee my pants laughing that my mom goes to look for a deer that hit HER, that my sister can cheer me up no matter what's happening with a quick quote from Friends, that Phil makes me coffee and that he always snuggles up right before he falls asleep, I can share a quick one liner with Jan, I can memorize how excited Amanda gets about a bubble bath. It doesn't mean I will always have these things, but I have them NOW. And that's worth cherishing; focusing on, THIS is what's important. Don't worry about that other stuff. Insignificant in comparison.
As Audrey says, love reality. We should embrace it, and ALWAYS be grateful we are here.